Me, Meself and Maurice

I accidentally pressed the back button. Grrrrrr. Shall do it tmr.

(= (= (= HERE’S HOW THE PAST FEW HOURS HAVE GONE. =) =) =)

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It was about half an hour BEFORE the actual day when things already started to look beyond perfect. FOR a very special reason. It was like getting Exceeding Expectations for my OWLs. It just seemed picture perfect.

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Then I was offered to 1v1 fy_iceworld with gosubay, whose exams are over. I honestly CANNOT turn down iceworld. I am so good at it, that I can probably beat XP even when he’s on form. And my reflexes were looking smoking hot.

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After the iceworld, I was going to bed when jy called me. And it was already freaking 3am. AND we talked nonsense UNTIL 5am. Like REAL nonsense. Like me actually spending SOME money on clothes, inculcating a better fashion sense, army stuff, class stuff and girls. Usual shit. And I was INCREDIBLY shagged to the bone.

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Come 9am in the morning when I only had 4 hours of shut-eye, Herbert and Bob called in the morning to wish me Happy Birthday. And it definitely was nice for them to call but i don’t remember ANYTHING i babbled. Like thanks yeah meet up again at Air Force School or something. Thanks guys but I really have little recollection of the entire conversation.

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LUNCH was with my family; excluding Adeline who is still residing in London. We got a 7? course meal with sharks fin and soft-shelled crab which was RATHER overpriced, but its probably fine to splurge on occasions. And honestly the char siew was damn good. And Evelyn gave me cold hard cash instead of an ang pao because she was too lazy to do so.

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Upon reaching home, I got changed again and hopped into Bob’s car and sped off to XP’s house. Apparently he was dying of flu and his hands were itching for some DRY swimming. So we were supposed to go to alleviate his ailment. What I realised when I got there was, my opponents were Ken, XP and Bob. Ken wins HUNDREDS of dollars from his junior. Bob with UNSTOPPABLE luck at Anfield (Kembangan), JUST won $44 from me alone a couple of weeks ago. XP just slayed Martha $41 last week. These were the 3 kings of mahjong.

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But in short, I won $10 from XP! Birthday LUCK FTW! Shiok sia I survived the 3 tigers. Wouldn’t try it the day after though. It would be insane.

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Mouse and Martha then showed up at XP’s house and we sped off to Parkway Parade to pick Jin up. I was gonna take everybody to some Korean restaurant in Tanjong Pagar. Without having any hint of recognition of the restaurant my korean teacher recommended me, we went to TOPO to the restaurant. We nearly got lost but found it eventually. The food was decent but it was pretty awkward being the ONLY singaporeans in the entire restaurant.

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Gosh its 4am and I need rest REAL soon. Basically we went Katong to play lan. 123Kill is another insanely funny and fun map. And my friendly neighbourhood Liverpool fan+kaki called to INFORM that GERRRRRRRARD SCOREEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD. What a great day. And after LAN kai zhi called and said the score was 3-0 hohoho, and my already high spirits were further lifted. We sent mouse home and went to Hong Kong Cafe to talk MORE nonsense.

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Then Bob sent us home. And i returned to FIND OUT THAT MAN U LOST TO BOLTON 1-0. WOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO. That sums up my day. Perfect. This day sums up my life. Near-perfect. And i somehow feel that near is about to be eliminated. 2330. I guess I’ve got to be the luckiest few guys around. =D hohoho.

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Alright night.

          I actually went veggie for a day. Just to lose weight. And also to save the animals. For a day. And I must say this. I will probably NEVER go veggie again. Even if it means losing weight or saving the animals.

                                                                                   .

          First of all, there are tonnes of ways to lose weight. And it MAY ALSO INCLUDE the KILLING/SLAUGTHERING/DISSECTING/EATING of animals. Like beef, lamb, chicken, whatever. Ok rule of thumb stay away from red meat and more white meat. NO your char siew xio ba doesn’t count as white meat. I know the fat and bone layer is white.

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          The key is actually cutting down on carbs. Like damned staple food like rice. That’s about it. "Auntie ji fan bu yao fan. Wan ton mee bu yao mian. Laksa chan1 cornflakes bu yao mian. " You get the idea. So you DON’T HAVE to be vegetarian, to lose weight.

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          Then there’s this whole notion about saving animals. Yeah yeah we love dogs and cats. Chickens are just tasty. I read in Reader’s digest which said: Maggie Q goes vegetarian to SAVE THE ANIMALS! WHAT A LOAD of bull. You’re not born to be a herbivorous leaf crunching mammal. Your incisors tell you that. My stifling-the-urge-to-puke TELLS ME THAT when i tried to eat the cabbage lettuce combo. You add cucumber to your chicken rice. That’s enough.

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           We’re on top of the freaking food chain, man. You don’t see a red-tail hawk swopping down for a rabbit and pausing halfway, "Awwwww. Ain’t that cute…" The red-tail simply goes: "YUMMMMYYYYYYY. Kan4 Zhao1!" And there you have it. A juicy rabbit. It is PERFECTLY fine for us to be eating rabbits!

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         Oh maurice, but the way they slaughter the beef in MacDonalds. Its so cruel. Look at those eyes. Those cow pleading eyes. Look. The red-tail doesn’t exactly uses a knife and a fork. It utilises its beak and talons. There you have it. Shredded rabbit.

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          Oh maurice you’re so heartless. Those animals. Suit yourself. I’m going for some McNuggets. YUUMMMMYYYYYY. Kan4 Zhao1! MEAT IS NECESSARY!

          What do these 3 idiots have in common other than hairy legs, perfect eyesight and a morbid dislike for pears? Oh yes and that we totally suck at golf and should never attempt to pick up a club again? Answer: I also noticed that ours ears are somehow not receptive to threats; that is, we are somehow unyielding and non-compliant to pressure.

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          Take for example, Threat 1: "Galvin Bay if you don’t start studying for your A levels, I will take away the computer." The reply would be something akin to: "If that’s the case go ahead and take the computer away. I don’t give a damn. (when actually he does)" Honestly if it were: "Galvin you have 5 mins to finish up whatever you’re doing and start studying," I’d say he would be MORE certain to comply.

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          We probably inherited obstinance from my father or I would say we were brought up thinking this was the right and only way. I distinctly remember when I was 11, I was made to apologise by my father, for something I didn’t do. Without a shadow of doubt in my head, I knew I wasn’t going to say sorry. Threat 2: "You will kneel beside the window the entire day until you are ready to apologise. " And I remember with astounding clarity, that I went to the side and knelt the entire day without food. It was only at night that my mother got McNuggets for me, from God knows where, and told me to go back. That was Primary 5 at Melville park.

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          I think most people would disregard it as being stubborn and stupid but I don’t know. You could call us extremists in this aspect. Pain is only temporary, pride is forever bla bla. My dad could have easily said forget it quit kneeling but that would have been seriously out of character for him or any of us. Especially when the matter’s been blown out of proportions. From one retrospect, it could have severely damaged family ties but on the other hand, it was still a good lesson learnt because principle-wise, I didn’t yield.

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          It is obvious that giving up and eating the nuggets 3 hours earlier, would definitely have left myself in a much better condition but I can’t explain why till today, I would not have had it any other way. I don’t disagree that its stupidity but… =X My sisters would generally give in to threats unless they’re maligned or something and that would definitely save a shitload of trouble. Why do we have to be difficult?

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Then again, since when was life ever easy?

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OH YES and there’s the last one.

Threat 3

Kai Zhi: "If you all wanna go Tampines Mall then I’m not going. East side so far and I don’t wanna go to the East side. Either go town or you’ll have to carry on without me. I’m not going to the east. So you still wanna go TM? "

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Maurice: "OF COURSE, Kai Zhi. Suit yourself. We’ll be just fine without you."

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Kai Zhi: "You sure ah."

                                                                                   .

Maurice: "SURE as hell."

You see I honestly don’t mind going to town for the weekend but shit. He just had to threaten. Of which, I won’t comply. =)

         18 hours after Mr CCL was complaining about the surge in unknown calls from China about winning prizes, I received a phonecall myself. Earlier on, CCL was brainstorming the ideal way of rejecting them once and for all but I on the otherhand, had other ideas… …

                                                                                                              .

*ring ring* *answers*

                                                                                                              .

"Hi, is this Mr Maurice Bay on the line?"

"Yes you are?"

"Hi Mr Bay we’re calling from !@#^&* ENTERPRISE AND we’re proud to announce to you that YOU’RE NOW THE PROUD WINNER OF $20,000 CASH FROM OUR HONG KONG BRANCH COMPANY!!!"

"Why?"

"Because a few days ago, WHILE BROWSING through OUR website, we RANDOMLY selected a WINNER FOR OUR GRAND LUCKY DRAW! AND YOU WON!"

"Why?"

"Because its our company’s 150th ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR and we wanted to celebrate by giving out COLD HARD CASH!"

"Why?"

"Because the spirit of giving always derives more happiness than taking! And our company believes th…"

"Why?"

"Because when you take more than you give, you tend to feel selfish and self-centered and…"

"Why?"

"Dear Mr Bay, we have allocated the prize to someone else."

"Why?"

"Precisely."

"Huh?"

"Bye."

                                                                                                              .

____________________________________________________________

Or…

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"Hi Mr Bay we’re calling from !@#^&* ENTERPRISE AND we’re proud to announce to you that YOU’RE NOW THE PROUD WINNER OF $200,000 CASH FROM OUR HONG KONG BRANCH COMPANY!!!"

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"OH MY @!#&$* GAWD ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

                                                                                                              .

"YES MR BAY! YOU HOWEVER, HAVE TO FLY OVER TO HONG KONG TO CLAIM IT YOURSELF."

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"ITS FINE BUT YOU’RE KIDDING ME RIGHT? YOU’RE KIDDING. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME."

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"No I’m not, Mr Bay. We had this secret formula and we FOUND YOU! But you have to come STRAIGHT down to Hong Kong, pay a bit of taxes, then take the $200,000 BACK TO SINGAPORE. How’s that?"

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"OMG OMG OMG OMG. I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT. NO YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. MARTHA I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. WHAT IS THIS? GOTCHA? YOU GUYS PULLING A PRANK ON ME? PUNK’D? CUT IT OUT MAN. "

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"No Sir, I’m serious. You just won $200,000."

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"*mutters to self* Wake up Maurice. Wake up. Wake up. Earth to Maurice. NO no you can’t be SERIOUS. ALL MY LIFE, I’VE PARTICIPATED IN LUCKY DRAWS, IN COMPETITIONS. and i’ve NEVER WON ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. OMG OMG OMG. I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT."

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"You better believe it Sir. You’re going to start thinking of how to spend the money. I could mail you a confirmati…"

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"NO ITS FINE!!! I DON’T NEED ANY SILLY CONFIRMATION LETTER SHIT. OMG. OMG. ALL MY FREAKING LIFE. OMG. I WON! I WONNNNNNN! I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH $50. $200 FREAKING THOUSAND DOLLARSSSSSSSSS. I WON! I WOOOOON!!!"

                                                                                                              .

"Calm down, Sir. I know its a bit…"

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"NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I FREAKING WON! NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE. I AM SO HAPPY I’M HUGGING THE MACDONALD’S AUNTIE NOW. I WANNA TAKE HER HOME TO MEET MY PARENTS. "

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"Oh ok that’s very nice but…"

                                                                                                              .

"I’M KISSING THE PAVEMENT NOW. THIS IS THE BEST PAVEMENT I’VE EVER SEEN. ITS COLD, HARD AND EVEN GREY. ITS FREAKING GREY!!! I FEEL LIKE I’M ON CLOUD NINEEEEEEEEE. NOTHING CAN STOP ME TODAY. LALALALALAALLA."

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"Sir, maybe you should calm down a lil…"

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"I AM CROSSING THE EXPRESSWAY WITH MY EYES CLOSED NOW. I AM SUCH A LUCKY BOY. NOTHING CAN STOP ME. LA LA LA LA LA LA. ONE STEP CLOSER TO HEAVEN, MEANS ONE STEP CLOSER TO YOU. OH MY $200,000. MY $200,000. "

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"Mr Bay, I would STRONGLY advise you NOT to…"

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"I HEAR A BIG TRUCK~~!. IT SOUNDS CLOSE…~~!! I CAN EVEN SMELL IT NEARBY! BUT I COULD JUST FLY AWAY… I’M SUCH A LUCKY BOY~~! NOTHING COULD EVER HAPPEN TO ME!!! FLY! FLY!"

                                                                                                              .

"MR BAY! MR BA…"

                                                                                                              .
*imitates tyre screeching sound. woman screaming sound. "SOMEBODY CALL 911!"

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"MR BAY! MR BAY! ARE YOU THERE?"

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*no reply.*

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And the would-be scammer quits his/her job. Cites murder as the main reason in the resignation letter.

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"Cheating money is one thing. Killing a boy is another."

LOL. Scammer with a guilty conscience?

I shall…

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Run faster. Jump higher. Swim further. Grow stronger. Think harder. Think smarter. Work longer. Eat less. Achieve more.

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Because the quest for you is to strive for perfection.

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And I cannot afford to be a mile away…

           After years of deliberation, the elusive WCG Frozen Throne trophy has finally come home. In a sheer battle of wits and brain power, Gosubay well deservedly claimed the title, number 1 player in Singapore for himself. He heaves a huge sigh of relief as he watches hundreds of hours spent training and practising fade and turn into pure satisfaction. Was it worthwhile? Certainly.

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                It is no easy feat, to juggle both Warcraft, and keep up with your Rafflesian classmates. Galvin has certainly proven his critics wrong and shamed the detractors of JC students in the gaming arena. Let’s get it straight. Life isn’t fair. It doesn’t mean that just because you suck at your studies, you’re supposed to win at gaming. Doesn’t work that way, loser. So you lose in both those aspects, what then do you do? You comment that IT DOESN’T MATTER because you’re still better looking than Galvin. LOL. OH COME ON LET THE CHICKS DO THE TALKING. WE ALL KNOW its their opinion that matters, not yours. Another one down.

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             Then you assholes proceed to mock his eccentricites like turning up for prize-giving ceremonies with slippers and shorts. Like I always say, geniuses are eccentric. He FIRMLY believes that the outer appearance means nothing. But takes it a tad too seriously IMO. (OMFG SLIPPERS no kidding.) Lastly, you all never thought he’d be able to do it but now that you’ve been proven wrong, you give sickening sour grapes comments. O_o

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               You claim that he is cocky and proud, calling everyone noobs but he does it to EVERYONE, including my parents. You flame him and say his arrogance makes him highly unpopular but guess what. RJC students ponned school, cabbed down, supported him, then cabbed back for lecture. Take that.

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             We couldn’t be prouder of this boy who brought so much believe in the rest of us. In an arena dominated by Poly students that scoff at the first JC entries, hope has arrived. That as long as you work hard enough, nothing is impossible. Galvin, add 4 more As and decent grades for your S papers, qualify for medicine, get all the hot chicks, buy the best cars and enjoy your life.

                                                                                                        .

Idiot: "He probably had no childhood."

                                                                                                        .

Maurice: "lol. yes i’m sure. go on. "

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Sorry for bitching. Nobody speaks ill of my younger brother behind his back.

The wheels of the bus go round and round…

round and round…

round and round…

The wheels of the bus go round and round so early in the morning.

                                                                                                    .

So I was on the bus to meet Yi Wei when I turned around to see 2 kids, probably no more than Primary 1, singing along at the top of their lungs. They were with their dad and the presumably older one, the sister, was visibly leading her brother in song. They somehow reminded me of 4 other jokers 15 years ago, following their elder sister who had an entire jukebox of stupid songs up her sleeve. Initially, I was more concerned about Jiang Yang’s borrowing of $600 from me until suddenly the song changed to:

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"The wheels of the bus go beat the lights, beat the lights, beat the lights. The wheels of the bus go beat the lights……………….."

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And I was like LOL. They really had no idea what they were singing, but they were so funny and adorable. I actually chuckled to myself. First thing that came to mind was myself, the mad driver, on a bad day. Or me, the mad driver, racing with Ken. "Beat the lights, beat the lights…" the tune is CURRENTLY stuck in my head.

"Maurice and Ken go beat red lights, beat red lights, beat red lights,

Maurice and Ken kena summon, kena summon, kena summon, or

Chris-to-pher Lee can go to jail, go to jail, go to jail,

Faaa-nnnn Wong ne-ver visit, ne-ver visit, ne-ver visit."

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LOL. Anyway, I missed the bloody bus on my way home and GUESS WHO I SAW. The kids again! And this time I sat opposite them at the back of the bus. (the three seater thingy) It was like 2130 and they were visibly sleepy and less hyper. But they were still cute enough for me to be blogging about them. The little boy even looked a little like me and the sister, like Adeline so I guess that’s why I felt a sense of affinity. The girl looked at me and I smiled at her. And she smiled back! I ALWAYS KNEW kids know a good person when they see one. Her mother looked at me and I asked if they were twins. She said no and I told her they were adorable. She practically beamed and thanked me. The little boy KEPT asking his mother WHEN he could press the bell. Again I remembered a time where the most biased mother in the world ever existed.

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We would go to Tampines Swimming Complex every Saturday morning to learn swimming and on Bus 292, 4 jokers would be making a lot of noise. And every single time we neared the stadium, we would FIGHT. FIGHT. To press the stupid button. So the MOMENT the bus moved off the stop before the stadium, we would press the bell. And there was once whereby we pressed too early and the doors opened again. We were subsequently banned. AND THANKS to the ultimately biased mother in the world, guess who got to press the button in the end, every single week? Bay Tian Long, Galvin. Well done.

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Back to the kids. He eventually got to push the button and there was PURE, INNOCENT elation on his face. I was just as happy for him. And when I alighted at East point, I waved goodbye and the little girl chirped: "byebye kor kor." The sleepy-eyed boy needed a prompt from his mother before he too said: "byebye kor kor." And it just made my day. That’s why I taught in Pasir Ris Primary. BUT THEY BLOODY GAVE ME P6s. AND I HATE P6s. SHUDDUP AND STOP HARASSING ME WITH STUPID QUESTIONS. Give me P1s. They’re the best. I know that sounded paedophilic but I mean, doesn’t everybody love kids?

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Nvm. I guess its time to make some for myself soon.

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LOL just kidding.

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
’cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just span right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,
                                                                                                                                   .
There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety
                                                                                                                                   .
No I ain’t gonna wait forever
No I ain’t gonna wait forever
In the confusion and the aftermath,

You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,
                                                                                                                                   .
There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,how embarrassing
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,
                                                                                                                                   .
There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,how embarrassing
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,
                                                                                                                                   .
No I ain’t gonna wait forever
No I ain’t gonna wait forever
No I ain’t gonna wait forever

                                                                                                                                   .

I was probably too intimidated by your perfection. So I got the wrong person all along. You are the signal fire. What a mistake. What will be my next move?

http://www.supload.com/listen?s=S1Q5DWUhceb

Click on the link above and let the streaming song load. Now lean back, close your eyes, and immense yourself in the song and its lyrics. Allow your body to be entirely relaxed and the area around you to flow with tranquility. However, if you are still able to see the following, it is apparent that you’re not adhering to instructions. Please go back a couple of steps and repeat move.

The Future:

I always ask my friends how often do they think of the future and usually my questions are unanswered. They’d just avoid the question and insist that Maurice is being philosophical again lets ignore him. I guess they don’t ponder about the future as much as I do. That’s also maybe why I’m a little happier than them.

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When I see the future, I see myself at a Beach resort with my beautiful wife and litter of children, enjoying the holiday. I see a big house, with the !!#@&*$ 108" LCD TV, and the bloody BMW 7 series that freaking Viboda drives around. And in the very same house, my entire family lives there, my friends stay across the street. After a challenging day at work, I ring my bunch of keys and my kids dash to the gate, thrilled to see me home. I manage to create awareness and make a difference about the bloody 20,000 children who die EVERY day due to poverty.

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That I realised, is what I want for the future. That I think, would be the perfect life and I have to make it happen. How exactly do I know I’d be happy with that? I don’t. But that is what I picture as the song plays and it works for me.

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The Present:

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Every single morning when I exit the lift and walk towards the MRT, I can’t help smiling. Save waking up and cursing at the alarm, the morning has been perfect. Every day when I finish work and trudge wearily back into the lift, I get the same exact feeling. The day could have been riddled with cockups but it had been a great day nonetheless. Life is good. And at its current rate, I would give it nothing less than 9/10.

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I couldn’t be happier. There is so much in the future to look forward to. Yet at present, it would seem like I’ve got everything already. I listen to my storeman who’s going to ORD and he has no idea what to do after that happens. He hopes he lands himself a job which pays more than a thousand bucks. I chat with the reservist driver who’s been jobless for 4 years. I speak to Keith who lost both his parents due to illness. And I think to myself, am I consoling the unfortunate ones, then comparing themselves to me, to feel better in contrast? Then I compare myself to the fortunate ones and realise that its not true because I am still beyond them. I come from decent middle-class family yet we’re filthy rich in dozens of many other different intangible ways. Owning.

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According to Donald Trump, other than money, the 2nd most important thing that everybody wants is respect. And I cannot help but feel happy about the respect I’ve earned myself over these years among my friends and peers. Of course I do have my detractors but some of them are really assholes. And would Michael Bay really care if Jason Hahn from 8 days said Transformers is a crap show? I don’t think so. Only the people that matter, matter.

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Even at the workplace, I’ve tried to revolutionize the system and it seems to be working. In the past everybody used to be selfish and hate each other. Ok not to this extent but the fostering of bonds wasn’t there. Now, it seems like people would willingly stay a little later for each other and a new era is formed. That for me, is a personal achievement.

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I’m not narcissistic or anything. I’m just ecstatic, euphoric, joyful and happy. There is still so much to look forward to in the future and yet life is beautiful already. So what exactly is the freaking purpose of this entry? Most of you think that your life is crappy and shouldn’t be the way it is but I really think its actually about perspective. So I hope you guys find similarities in the post and emerge truly happy.

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Just like me.